Saturday, December 26, 2009

Who would I be?

Who would I be today if my life had taken different turns?

If we had stayed in Chandigarh and not moved to Delhi?

If I hadn't been ill so often as a child?

If I had gone to the US for college and not chosen to stay back?

If I had not insisted on taking up a subject all my near and dear ones advised me against?

If I had followed through with the idealistic dreams I was beginning to have back in college?

If I had taken the year off after college to figure out what I want to do, instead of joining a Master's program I just happened to get into?

Our experiences shape us, make us the person we are. I always wonder who I would've been if things hadn't happened the way they did. Would I be more focused, less negative? Would I be more confident and less insecure about my capabilities? Would I still have friends who love me the way mine do?

I've never really gone after a dream. Life has always happened to me, and I've gone with the flow.

For the first time in a very long time, I'm pursuing a dream. As my near and dear ones have been pointing out to me, it's timed badly, the going will be tough, the chances of things working out are slim, and I also know life won't be any easier if things do work out.

But I also know that if I don't give this thing one shot, I will always wonder "what if". And regret not going for it.


R said...

I do both - go with the flow and pursue a dream. My logic being if something *feels* right, it should work out. Bad feelings about a venture have always been confirmed if I followed through, and it's not like tripped myself up.

My only 'what if...' has been about going to the UK instead of Oz, but I'm quite happy here and I've made it my own. UK might have been 'better' for me, but more expensive and it probably helps to be here instead of there since I wouldn't be the only one to specialise in a narrow spectrum of UKish music in the UK which KNOWS what it's on about.

I dunno how much sense I make there, but it just means it's all instinctive.

The Seeker said...

Funny, I've never thought that way. I didn't do some things, did do others, and I like where it got me.