Movie watching thoughts: Beauty and the Beast

I wasn't really having any thoughts while watching Beauty and the Beast last weekend. It was late, part of me couldn't believe I wanted to see this movie since the original barely made a blip on my consciousness (apart from Celine Dion's voice), and all I was really thinking was, oh hey, two movies in one month.

But then Belle tried to escape from the castle, and the thoughts started tumbling out. Usual spoiler alert disclaimer, etc.

• Mainly, I was thinking, if the horse stayed with Belle at the castle (since she had him both when she tried to escape, and when she actually did leave to go back to the village), how did Maurice get back to the village the first time, after he was let go?
• How is it possible that as Tale as old as time started, I suddenly remembered every word, and was able to sing along?
• I really don't remember much of the original movie, but... was Shakespeare around in it? Or guns?
• That little squeal of delight Belle gives when she's left alone in the library is everything.
• Dan Stevens was kind of redundant in the movie, no? I mean, literally anyone could have played him for most of it, and the 2.5 scenes it's actually him were so... blah.
• Although that's not completely fair. He was pretty good in the rest of the movie. The scene where he's getting ready for the dance and ranting about how he just blurted out asking her to a dance was quite cute.
• All that brouhaha over "OMG first gay characters in Disney movies! This is sacrilege!" for... that? 
• Oh, Belle is an inventor in this version of the movie. That's cool, I guess. Did we actually see any of that other than the laundry trick, and her knowing what tool her father needed before he asked for it?
• I couldn't understand the passage of time in the movie. I always thought the curse was one of those that lasts centuries, and time stands still, and no one ages etc. But if the staff at the castle had family in the village, then the curse couldn't have lasted that long? So how long was it, really?
• I definitely couldn't understand the enchantress' deal. She lived in the village, and no one liked her? She suddenly randomly shows up in two scenes, but without explanation or anything? Meh.
• Did we really need that reaction from Cogsworth to the woman who comes and hugs him at the end, who I assume is his wife? I mean, she was mean throughout the movie, but really? The Beast gets a sad backstory for being heartless etc., but she was just mean, period? It kinda, sorta annoyed me.
• Part of me continues to be as big a fan of Celine Dion as I was back in my teens. Which is why, even though Ariana Grande and John Legend do a perfectly competent job of reprising Tale as Old as Time, they really don't come close to the original version by Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson. And I did make my cousin stay back for the credits so I could listen to How does a moment last forever.